Sometimes you’re just living your life and all of the sudden you crash into a brick wall. It may not be something as serious as death or disease, but enough to rattle you. You can live very contentedly for months or years and then watch it all fall apart while you stand there, most likely with an idiotic look on your face, wondering where it all went wrong.
You guessed it! It happened to me a few weeks ago. I’ll spare you the gory details, but work sucks. It was the happiest I’ve been in a job, to the extent that I happily ignored my family in pursuit of…uhh…I guess retirement at 80? I have no idea. Was it to impress someone? Was it pride? Maybe, maybe not, but it was certainly divine intervention.
I realize that this is all a bit off brand, but as I’m writing this, I realized that I may just change brands. I have been feeling empty. Not in my family or my marriage, but somewhere I couldn’t pinpoint. It’s actually been so long, that it’s part of the reason I started this blog, if you care to look that far back. I assumed that I just needed a career change or something, but was too comfortable where I am to change anything. Sound familiar? Lately though something has really been bugging me. To get to that, we kind of have to go backwards again.
It all started with my divorce. One night while I was sleeping, I woke up at around 2:00 AM. And I mean wide awake. As if I’d been awake for hours already. I had a vision and just started writing things down. I filled about 8 full sheets of paper and then I passed back out for the night. No joke. The vision was of a nonprofit. Now, this was all of 6 years ago and I still have the papers I wrote. What I don’t have is a nonprofit. Every time I get restless like this it comes back to mind and I dabble a bit with it and nothing comes to fruition. That’s most likely my fault. I’m pretty instant gratification when it comes to jumping into things. If I do it, and it works at all in the beginning, I dive in and never come up for air. If it fizzles, I drop it like a…good habit. Bad habits are easy. Anyway, I digress.
So, here I am. Yet another spiritual crisis and at a dead stop with the Harvest. That’s the name of the nonprofit if you wondered. I know what I want to do, but I need someone who can write code to build me a plugin. I asked the only guy I know, he said he could do it, and then radio silence. So I’m still at zero, with about $2,000 to my name that I’m willing to throw at this thing with no questions asked. And nothing. SO. As I’m laying in bed, not asleep because the thoughts are racing around in my head, I had a breakthrough. And if I’m honest, a bit of a break down. I’m not one for crying, due to the innumerable times I was made fun of for it as a child, but in my own home when my wife is asleep, or when I’m driving down the highway I don’t mind. I realized that I was doing nothing to lead my kids to be like Jesus. I talk about it, and they hear it at church, but what do I do? I come home grumpy from my job that makes me pretty miserable these days and I yell and huff and puff and watch TV and go to bed. The only one of those things Jesus did was the bed thing. You know what I hate more than anything in the world? People. So, here I am at 1:00 AM googling ways to serve people as a family.
I don’t do anything. I have so much information and wisdom about God, but what good is it? Right now I’m writing letters to soldiers and to people in nursing homes. Tomorrow I’m going to make cards with my kids to send with them. I’m going to send the soldiers cards here when I’m done and see what happens. I also signed up with soldiers angels to see what they’re about.
The two greatest commandments were love the Lord your God and love your neighbor as yourself. Maybe Gods big vision for the Harvest won’t come to fruition until I start somewhere else. Maybe it will never be anything. All I know is that I want my family to be where God wants us. And being there means serving and loving. Ask me what my weaknesses are, I’ll I’ll tell you that Jesus called them the two greatest commandments.
Just remember in these uncertain times:
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9
Wherever you are is where God wants you to be, and NOBODY can snatch you out of his hand.